Learning to live alone.

In August 2024, I moved into my apartment and for the first time, at age 39, I was living alone.

I've always lived with family. Even when I lived in a college dorm I had roommates. One thing that always helped was that I get along really well with my mom. She had always told me that you can live with me if you are in school or working.

If you had told me at age 18, when I had my first mental breakdown that I would eventually be comfortable enough with myself to live alone, I wouldn't have believed you. At that time, my depression and anxiety were so severe I barely trusted myself to be alone. It still does seem like some family members see me as that defenseless little girl.

With the help of lots of therapy, the love of my mom, never giving up, and time, I was able to build a life that I'm starting to fall in love with. Hence, I realized that I might be able to live on my own and not only survive, but thrive.

When I decided I was ready to live alone, I did what I always do when I have a big decision; I researched and created a spreadsheet. My younger sister accompanied me when I did my tours and on the drive back to her house, where I had been staying, we did a debrief.

I had a certain price point that I wanted to stay within, but was also aware I might encounter things I didn't know I wanted. My younger sister and brother-in-law live two minutes from where I work; so the non-negotiables were a 15-20 minute drive from work, one bedroom, safe, and washer/dryer in unit or hookups. I also didn't want visitors having to go through my bedroom to access the bathroom.

The gut reaction to go with something on the lower end of my price range was tempting. The first option that caught my eye was one mile from my sister and brother-in-law. It would have been on the first floor and my view would have been a grass field. Facing nature was very appealing to me. I also liked that if I wanted, I could walk to my sister's house. The downside is it would have been on the top end of my price range.

Looking back, I can see that I felt I was being guilted into thinking the unit was going to be gone soon if I did not apply. I did end up applying to reserve the unit, however, I eventually pulled the application. After a hard conversation with my therapist, and lots of praying, I realized that for my first apartment I would rather not be house poor.

A week later, I had an appointment for the apartment complex I eventually ended up going with. It was a brand new build, four floors, and had an elevator. I had always envisioned myself on an upper floor, however, all the apartment complexes I had toured previously did not have an elevator, and I wasn't about to go up three flights of stairs with groceries.

This apartment complex also has its units in an all-in-one building. Want to go workout, check your mail, pick up a package, no worries, you don't have to leave the building. Just take the elevator down to the first floor. This complex was a vision of something super nice I didn't think would be available to me. It also gave my family a piece of mind that the police department is less than a mile down the road.

After I realized I was going to go with this one, I made another appointment so my dad and step-mom would also be able to view it. My mom and older sister are back in Indiana, so they were able to take the virtual tour the apartment complex provides.

As previously stated, I moved in August 2024 and I've slowly made this apartment feel like home. An ongoing conversation with my therapist is that I'm always feeling behind in life. She continues to reassure me that everyone has their own timeline and I probably wouldn't have been ready beforehand. It was something that happened at the right time. I'm looking forward to more growth.

First sunset at the apartment.